Things You Wish You Could Say At Work...
1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of ****.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a **** word you're saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited you again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a ****.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
40. Oh I get it... like humor... but different!

Your mom says hi!

Is your refrigerator running? If it is, it probably runs like you... very homosexually.

Subject: Older Generation

Don't underestimate the older generation

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes. We decided
to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager
sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors:
green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager
would look and find him staring every time.

When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter
old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on
his response; knowing he would have a good one. And in classic style he
did not bat an eye in his response.

"Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock.
I was just wondering if you were my son."

I would like to post a few from the Master of all jokes, Mr. Rodeny Dangerfield.

"I drink too much ... The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it."

"I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."

"I had plenty of pimples as a kid ... One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face."

Oh no! a man went steaking through our local catholic church.  Women screamed and fainted, children laughed and pointed.   After a wild chase, the man was caught by the organ!

I heard that the AARP has gotten so large they are considering forming their own political party.  Political pundits are already calling it the 'constipation party' and quip that they'll never get anything passed!

Here's a true one:  my husband and i were headed back to port after sailing all day.  We're sitting side by side in the back of the cockpit and he asked me to take hold of the tiller for awhile.  I look down and said, "Honey that's not the tiller, but I have been using that to steer you for 21 years".

What happened to the jokes?  Granted, they were getting old but you can limit the number, so that the old ones fall away and are replaced.